Fighting Back – The Discussion

30 03 2009

One of the key discussions that came out of this story was the idea of women fighting back and how should we.  Read on to find out what different women had to say on the subject, many of who shared their personal stories.

This was the question that many women responded to : In Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion, Madea teaches her nieces how to fight back if a man is beating them. The answer: Grit ball. Cook a pot of grits, make sure its hot. Get a nice skillet with a balanced weight – toss the grits then swat, toss and swat, go all Venus and Serena on your attacker. Is this really the best way for women to fight back when the attacker is their intimate partner, boyfriend, husband, or ex?

Essence of Beauty said “when it comes to fighting a man, hell I aint got time to cook grits, you hit me and I will give you an old fashioned ass whipping or go down trying…fist, feet, any object that can be flung through the air is liable to be used against you.”

Malakia says “Knowing how to fight is SUCH a confidence booster! I am little but I am no slouch, by far, when it comes to a fair fight and I’m ALL about defending myself…. My home is my haven — if someone were to break into my home to harm me– they should consider it a suicide mission — in those cases 911 is a courtesy call. In the protection of my life I will shoot them. I’m afforded that and I will do it — I don’t have time to de-escalate….

“But what if the danger comes from within? Someone you love(d)? In the case of domestic violence is there ever a time to rely on spirituality rather than mutual combat? I’m thinking of … violence begets violence (tied with — “what about the children”)? My occupation necessitates a certain level of self defense proficiency… and I’m sure I would rely on those teachings/skills to get myself out of a jam… but then what?

“TCW, I cracked up at “grit ball” — I have never heard of such a thing as that! And lessons no less! Is it possible to have those things at the ready for quick use and just heat them up? Would they be equally effective frozen?”

Treasure Hunter said: “Hey, I know that if a man hits me, he will regret it, I will grab whatever is available and let loose. I was raised by a pro, from the real mean streets in DC, and even if I don’t live my life that way, I sure can recall some serious justice my mom would lay down.

“# Number one, if I don’t get him, he will have to be Houdini to escape the wrath of my 5 sons.
#Number two, I don’t attract those types of men, because I want something more for me than that, and
#number three, I love me way too much to let a “buster ” hit me and get away with it. He will not have braggin’ rights about kicking my behind, and if he brags he will wounded while he’s braggin’.”

Malakia said: “On fighting back… I didn’t want to include that aspect in my scenarios because I think the role is limited and didn’t want to revolve the story around a “burning bed” type of incident. Self defense is a natural and acceptable action but at some point it becomes… just another fight….”

Monniej said: “Didn’t have time for grits. used a pot of hot coffee instead. Still got the beat down, but at least I felt like I held my own – for a minute. in the end he was much bigger and stronger. I wouldn’t suggest anyone do what I did. someone could have been injured, but at the time it seemed like the only way out. I found someone crazier than him to even the score.”

Kiacheri said: “I honestly can’t see a man who I am in a relationship or any other kind of bond, being crazy enough to physically or verbally attack me. I’m just not that type, but if it were, forget grits, it’s WHATEVER! My parents didn’t put their hands on me, and neither will any other individual, esp. my “significant” other. Like my G-Ma told my Grandfather before they got married “You bet not even think about, thinking bout putting yo hands on me (with her hands on her hips)! “

“I know it might have sound cliche. Abusive men pick and choose who it is they think they can victimize. Not all women will become a victim of abuse. Personally, it is absolutely unacceptable, and will never be tolerated. I’ve had these conversations with my parents young. And I know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior from a man. My parents esp. my mom has told me from as early as I can remember ” You are to never let anybody put their hands on you. I don’t care who or what they are, you are my child, and I don’t put my hands on you and neither will anyone else.” another line was “Don’t let anybody talk to you any kind of way, cause I don’t”. That has stuck with me til this day.”





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